Solely In Black and White: The First Date Project: Part 4

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The First Date Project: Part 4

The Drop Off:
The first objective is to slowly pull up near the girl’s house. The best solution I have come up with is to pull over, put the car in park, and immediately shut off the engine. This should send a very clear message that I intend on walking my date to the door. Now if the girl starts the goodnight speech while still in the car, I politely interrupt her and say something like, “oh, I’ll walk you to the door.” I can only think of two occasions where my offer was declined, but in most cases this has worked.

Making conversation at this point can be tricky. You can’t broach a new subject and if the previous topic is going downhill you have to get creative to extend it. The worst situation is when you’re standing right by the doorstep and you’re still smack in middle of a good conversation. While standing there and conversing for a while might be an option, it can lead to other issues, such as frostbite, loitering charges, and gawking neighbors.

Although the walk to the door may be awkward, saying goodnight while standing face-to-face is much more pleasant and meaningful than saying adieu hastily in the car. It's nice when a girl says she had a nice time, but I realize that some people aren’t comfortable being so forthright after a first date. I know I wouldn’t. The oddest thing is when a date goes sour and girl still says “I had a nice time.” My first reaction to that was “what was she thinking?” Later on I realized that even if the statement is completely untrue, it’s still a nice illustration of appreciation, but completely unnecessary.

In most cases, by the time I get back to the car the girl is already in the house. In the event that she is not, I will wait until she gets in, and then speed off.

The Decision:
I used to fret about the decision making process after a first date. I think I have outgrown that issue. If it’s a no, then it’s a no. If it’s a maybe or yes, then it’s a yes. Simple as that. I should point out that I am a big fan of the “One and Done.” Okay, that might be an understatement, I am proud board-member and strong advocate of the One and Done. If it’s not going to work, end it right away. I am happy to report that I have had the pleasure of briefly meeting a few like minded girls, obviously only once.

Now for the part I dread. Dealing with the shadchan. No matter how the date went that phone call is always so annoying. The conversation is never quite as simple as just yes or no.

A Final Note:
In case you haven’t noticed, I left out the whole “elevator look/checking out” thing. The reason for this being is that I don’t do it. It’s creepy and it doesn’t accomplish much. If need be, I prefer to do my checking methodically and surreptitiously. This usually just happens by osmosis, no conscious thoughts necessary. This has been so effective for me that I can recall most of the visual elements my date has worn (such as outfit, shoes, makeup, nail polish, jewelry, and sleeve and skirt length, just to name a few). It seems that after a few days this info is automatically purged from memory.

I would like to end off on this note: to the girls who put effort into wearing nice attire and partaking in the beautifying (beatification) process, your efforts are not going unnoticed.


  1. On first date, no, I wouldn’t say I had a nice time before her. On subsequent dates, yes, I would.

    It depends on the situation and how long it takes for her to get into the house. For example, if you split before the first set of steps of a long multi-stepped walkway then you both have a long walk ahead of you.

    Oh well, I guess I don’t follow to all the rules ;).

    It took a while to perfect. I think it’s a skill that’s acquired through time, patience, and practice. I give you a bracha that you should get married before you master it. Nonetheless, it might help if you’re a visually perceptive person.

  2. Yes, but you also get the risk of being rejected to your face when she doesn’t reciprocate. Why take that risk unnecessarily? On a second date when you actually know her a little better your comment will go much farther.

    Dunno. It’s hard to say. Have you ever stood there and watched as she walked away and entered her house?

    K, that’s funny!

  3. I'm surprised at how many gentlemanly bloggers there are on here. Kol hakavod. Really appreciate that last note!

  4. the girls who put effort into wearing nice attire and partaking in the beatification process, your efforts are not going unnoticed.

    I didn't realize that nice Jewish girls prepare for dates by trying to achieve Catholic sainthood! Maybe that's he reason for the "shidduch crisis."

  5. HAHA! I always wondered if I was getting set up with the wrong kind of girl… Now I know.

    Thanks for pointing that out.

  6. Anytime. I revel in Grammar Nazism (and I guess Spelling Nazism, in this case).


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