Sefardi Gal, made a wonderful list titled Top 12 Suggestion of What TO DO On a Date. But after her post she said “Kay, this list needs more stuff. I'm being lazy. Feel free to add! :) ”. I was going to include my additions in the comments section but somehow my additions developed into a full-fledged list of its own. So here it is, SiBW’s list of top 10 general recommendations of what to do on a date from least important to most important.
10. Ask Reasonable Questions ( i.e. don’t grill) to show interest:
Generally, when you are asking questions, don’t be too overbearing. Dates are meant to be conversations not interviews. (At least thats what I thought?) If you’re asking how many bowls of cereal your date eats on Friday mornings you might be heading in the wrong directions, or not, I guess it depends on the person.
9. Personalize the experience:
Share something about yourself with your date. I am not recommending you start sharing your deepest and darkest secrets with a complete stranger, but mention something that is a tad personal.
8. Be honest and forthcoming:
This shouldn’t need an explanation but this recommendation even includes those little white-lies. Remember “the truth shall set you free.” (please don’t quote me on that)
7. Learn something unique about your date:
Every person is unique either in their personality, talents, or skills (for both good and bad). Try to figure out what makes your date special and realize that you’re not going out with another "name" on a list, but an exceptional individual.
6. Laugh at your dates jokes:
This seems to be common courtesy. No matter how cheesy the joke is, at least crack a smile, but preferably a curt chortle would be nice. I think the kids nowadays term this a nebach laugh. The exception to this suggestion is “Knock-Knock” and “Why did the chicken cross the road” jokes, those are excused. Laughing for those might be lefnim mesharas hadin.
5. Initiate a Conversation:
It’s not fun talking to a wall, not that I tried, but the people I’ve seen doing it didn’t seem to be content. Regardless, making conversation takes two people. The best analogy I’ve heard goes like this: a conversation is like playing catch- you throw the ball to another person; they catch it, hold onto it for a bit, and then throw it back. Thus a back-and-forth ensues. For fastballs, curveballs, sliders see recommendation 10 and for screwballs see this post.
4. Maintain a positive attitude:
In case you haven’t figured this out yet, this is a good recommendation for life and one which will serve you well in shidduchim. Agreed, this tip of advice is easier said than done.
3. Regardless of what happens, try to have a good time:
Ibid. When comparing dating to all the places you could be stuck for 3 hours, bad dates really aren’t that terrible. Traffic and air travel come to mind but I’m sure we can be expanded that list quite easily. Has anyone ever gotten stuck on a 16 hour date yet? I don’t think so! ;)
2. Don’t be nervous:
Confidence sells, apprehension doesn’t. There is no reason to be nervous. What’s the worst thing that can happen? Your date probably won’t bite! Don’t forget that for every possible situation where you believe you can make a mistake, someone already has. Just relax, in the words of SIS “it is what it is.” People are more understanding than you think.
1. Be yourself:
I hope I don’t need to clarify this one since only you can truly elucidate all the fine points. But seriously, don’t change who you are to impress someone else.