Solely In Black and White: May 2010

Monday, May 31, 2010

Resumeology 101: Class 2 Teaching by example

Sometimes the best way to teach is by example. For this class we will use a shidduch resume that was "received" via email as an example. References and siblings intentionally excluded.   

Chava Leah Stein
223 Kew Gardens
Lakewood, New Jersey 08701

Summary and Personal
Date of Birth: 3-4-1989
Father is a yeshiva educated day trader who learns two daily sedarim in BMG; has been previously investigated by FBI for fraud but never did any jail time; big baal tzedaka who has been honored by BMG twice.
Mother is a retired BY teacher; youngest child with four brothers and 11 sisters all living off of the Lakewood General Fund and mechutanim from Brooklyn.
Other pedigree: relatively clean, except for a 4th cousin once removed who attended YU and is now a successful ophthalmologist in Teaneck.
Parents looking for: solid learner from Brisk or Lakewood with neither a history of college nor foreseeable parnassa plans who will sit in Kollel indefinitely; she is looking for the same; father willing to support 10 years @ $75k per year, pending no stays in Otisville.
Appearance: dark hair with standard BY bump hairstyle; 5'4" with dress Size 2 (Mother's size after her seventh child: Size 8.
Preferred  Shadchan: Mrs. Goldberg of Lakewood (25% commission)
Dating History: has gone out a few times with no measurable success; feedback from Mrs. Goldberg points to her having the charisma of a carrot
Photo: yearbook picture available if requested through Torah channels.
K-12: Bais Yaakov of Lakewood.
Seminary: BJJ
Post-Seminary: Online program to obtain teaching certificate from Torah Umesorah.
 Camps: Raninu, Sternberg, Dina, B'nos, and Segula

Work Experience:
1996-2000: Counselor in several backyard camps in Brooklyn and Lakewood.
2006-2010: Assistant to the 1st grade teacher's aide in BY of Lakewood.
Hanhagos and Opinions Checklist (Based on Interview with Shadchan)
Tehillim: completes Sefer once a week while standing in line at Jewish stores.
Mother's use of Sabbath Mode oven: not any more.
Posek: Rav C. Kanievsky or Rav Elyashiv if his line is busy.
Internet: only with Koshernet on Tati's business computer.
Use of a community Eruv: never (she's looking for a Brisker, remember!)
Indian Hair Sheitels: only if on sale.
Seat Belt Use: No, unless pulled over by a female Police Officer.
Hobbies: reading Artscroll biographies, Yated, Hamodia, and Mishpacha; challah baking; asking shailos to Gedolim about her shiddach difficulties.
Her Preferred Dating Venue: Airport lounges without visible TV monitors.
Boys She Would Not Date: guys without BTEP (behind-the-ear-pesos), BT's, Odd's who have straightened out; guys whose Rabbi believe that the Universe may be older than 5768 Years old; guys who read Making of a Godol or any of Slifkin's books.
Ideal Wedding: Chossen and Kallah adopt demeanor combining themes of Tisha B'Av and Yom Kippur; eyes-closed, Tehillim throughout ceremony; kibbudim called up in Yiddish; separate everything including parking areas; Simchas Chossen V'Kallah at 10:30 PM; no Only Simchas posting.
Shabbos Table: White table cloth, no plastic covers, no ground beef or plate scraping at the table.
Would be willing to live in: Lakewood, Brooklyn, Monsey, and Passaic 
Music Preferences: Yeshiva Boys Choir, Shweky and MBD; no more Lipa or Carlebach.
Ideal Chesed Opportunities: helping put out cold beer and cholent at neighborhood Shalom Zachars; assisting with mass mailings from Oorah and Kupat Hair.

All right class, what’s wrong with this resume? 

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Quote of Last Week, This Week, and one for Good Measure: Not so Serous, Mistakes, and Guess what… NO!

Whoops, forgot to post a quote last week. So to make up for that, here are two plus one for this week.   

Never take life seriously. Nobody* gets out alive anyways.

"Computers let you make more mistakes faster
than anything except handguns and tequila..." 

Three things are certain
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Resumeology 101: Class 1 Background

Welcome to Resumeology 101. In this class (series of posts) I will profess the merits and optimal structure of a shidduch resume within my demographic of the shidduchim world. This post may contain some other pieces of useless information that you already know, but in the spirit of education they bear repetition in the hopes that you may learn something.  :p  Oh, and you may be graded… IRL ;)

Like any good class, we shall start with the history of the shidduch resume. To be blunt, the exact origin of the shidduch resume is unknown.   Some (conspiracy?) theorist, based on ancillary proof and archeological papyrus records, attribute the creation of the shidduch resume to the ancient Egyptians. This theory is dependent on the hypothesis: why else would people create obscure hieroglyphics and “pictures,” presumable about the life of singles, if not for the sake of shidduchim?  Another set of supposed experts attribute the origin of the shidduch resume to aliens since the idea is so preposterous it most have come from another planet. More recently, researchers have used newly extrapolated data to prove that the shidduch resume wasn’t created because it naturally evolved on its own! However, in order to keep this lecture within the realms of normalcy we will not delve into Polytheism, Scientology, and Darwinism (and because those topics are very bad for shidduchim.)  

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Serial Dater

Make sure to Check your Cereal 

You know what’s scary? If you look at the definition and psychological profile of a serial killer and serial dater (and change a few "key" words), they are actually pretty similar! Check it out, courtesy of info taken from Wikipedia:

A serial dater is a person who dates three or more people over a period of more than thirty days, with a "cooling off" period between each date, and whose motivation for dating is largely based on psychological gratification.  The dates may have been attempted or completed in a similar fashion and the “victims” may have had something in common; for example, occupation, race, appearance, sex, or age group.

Friday, May 21, 2010

The Ultimate Paradox Thread

Upon various requests (HZ, Martial Maidel, Bookworm, and scala vestibuli) I made my own version of the Girl, Guy, and Shidduchim Paradoxes.  I guess if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself! :D 

The Shidduchim Paradox by SiBW

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The “Fun” Date or an Alternative Please?

A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when they can’t hit one another.

- Jimmy Cannon

It would seem from my post on arcades that some girls (arguably most? :p ) don’t like the “fun” date. Now I don’t want to point fingers… (Okay, fine I do! I am referring to SIS in her post here and SchoolGirl’s comments here)  

First off, let us address the issue at hand. A fun date is a means of going out and doing a shared activity. The fun moniker is misleading; how fun can an arcade be already? Granted, a few boys and a few beers can change the dynamics rather quickly, but going to an arcade on a date generally doesn’t provide us males with a feeling of euphoria. So if I may ask somewhat rhetorically, isn’t the purpose of a date to share the company of your companion?   

If I may, can I tell you a little secret? The more I like my date, the more fun I’ll have on an arcade date with them. Honestly. This isn’t rocket science, but if you’d like I can draw you a formula. You see, it’s not about who wins or loses, or if your date can pass the fun test or not; it’s about answering the question: do you enjoy spending time with the other person! And in that sense, I believe, the arcade date is a very useful date.

As far as an arcade being an awkward situation, I don’t really understand that. How is an arcade more awkward than any other "fun" venue? Even if we assume it is “awkward,” so what? In case you still believe in awkward moments, then I suggest you speak to CoralCap because she makes an argument that awkward moments only exist in a few very abstract circumstances. Then again, I am slightly biased, I enjoy awkward moments on dates; they’re one of the few parts of dating that can never became monotonous. Besides, I think they build or add character.  :)

Anyway, as SIS pointed out in her comment on her post, finding an agreeable “fun” spot isn’t exactly easy. Actually, it’s very hard once you start thinking about it. So to all the female readers out there (or any males who possess some secret knowledge on the subject), what dating activity or venue do girls consider “fun?” (And you better not say shopping! Just kidding :) )

Quote of Week: Nuts!

Allergen Warning: the internet may contain traces of nuts! 

-Steven Gevers 

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Political Ramblings: a Mussar Message from the Commander-in-Chief

"Do we participate in a politics of cynicism or a politics of hope?"
Quote from his speech at 2004 Democratic National Convention on July 2004 at the Fleet Center, Boston

In a recent commencement address to the graduates of Hampton University, President Obama shared his views on technology and how it is shaping our lives. As an aside, it’s really fascinating what makes for news nowadays. :-/ Anyways, in his speech, the President warned the graduates about the dangers of relying on technology for information with these memorable quotes:

"With iPods and iPads; Xboxes and PlayStations – none of which I know how to work – information becomes a distraction, a diversion, a form of entertainment, rather than a tool of empowerment, rather than the means of emancipation,"
"Let's face it, even some of the craziest claims can quickly gain traction. I've had some experience with that myself."

Good people of blogosphere take the president message to heart and only use technology in an empowering and useful manner. :) Also, be careful what you read on the internet, especially blogs. ;)

As other pundits have pointed it, it’s a bit ironic that the current administration is heavily reliant on social networking for the purpose of political marketing, activism, and support. Could this possibly be a lesson in the concept of don’t bite the hand that feeds you? I’m not a political expert, but maybe, I guess time will tell….  

What I find slightly scary, something which I find troubling with politics in general, is that the people who by their own self-admission acknowledge that they don’t understand a specific subject matter happen to be the people who are intent on passing legislature which will affect it. I guess I’ll never understand politics. :-(   

The good news is that this speech was just an optional life lesson, so as a citizen of a democratic society, you can either take it or leave it. Just be thankful the current administration has no plans to follow South Korea’s lead and institute an online curfew! Just imagine what would happen if Blogger restricted access at 12:00 A.M. due to an imposed curfew… :p  

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

My Apologies to Miss Sore Loser

I am big fan of the fun date, or as others have called it the arcade date.  The precise details as to why I enjoy this date still elude me, since it isn’t always fun nor is it an always a great dating venue. But the one universal truth that I have discovered is that girls love air hockey. No jokes! The smile on a girls face after scoring a goal is quite a sight, so long as she hits the puck into the right goal. ;)  Regardless, I think I enjoy the fun date because it allows me to challenge my dates in playful way. I must admit, I have had some very competitive adversaries; I even had one who “schooled” me as they say on playground.  I’m still not sure if part of chivalry is allowing the girl to win; if so, then I might be losing some points for graciousness. Okay, to be fair, I usually won’t make a spectacle out of my dates. For example, in a game of air hockey I’ll try not to shut-out my opponent. In the car racing games I’ll try not to finish more than a lap ahead. I think you get the idea….

You’re probably wondering what’s with the title? 

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Quote of the Week: Settle?

With all this talk of “settling,” what does settling even mean? So enjoy this quote:
 “You want to settle? Do you even know the definition of settle? Merriam Webster defines Set-tle Pronunciation: \ˈse-təl\ as: 'To cause to sink; to lower; to depress. To sink to the bottom; to fall to the bottom.' Now that doesn’t sound like such a good idea, now does it!?!" ;)  

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A Bookie's Notebook: The Results of Round One.

It seems that my little “casino” generated a bit of interest. Okay, so it wasn’t exactly ice cream, but it was fun. Moreover, it probably gave some of us an easier method of putting our well-earned points to good or bad use, depending on how you interpret the meaning of points. While the results of this little experimentation are interesting, they aren’t necessarily the correct answers. I guess that means that the bloggers in question would need to provide us with the “real” answers for that (no pressure though).

As an aside, I was curious if this little experiment would prove the theory of crowd-sourcing, or in other words: The Wisdom of Crowds. Think of it as the real life version of ask the audience option on “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” but for any more important things :) . Nonetheless, it’s almost the same idea, or based on the same principle. The theory goes that by harnessing the power of the crowd you can get a more accurate answer or prediction than if you’d asked any one individual in the group, including the smartest person. I know, I know; people shouldn’t believe everything they read, or perhaps theorize about game shows “lifelines,” but regardless, it’s an interesting thought in the context of this little survey. I guess time will tell, assuming we get all the real answers.

Finally the moment you’ve all be waiting for (I think). I present the grand tally of round one:

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

An Abstract Concept: The Dor Yeshorim Test of Personalities

Frum and Flipping recently wrote a post describing her Myer-Brigss personality type in the context of shidduchim. I have been sitting a post like this for a while now, so finally I have some incentive to write it.

To begin, I wholeheartedly believe in the theories present by Jung/Myer-Briggs in their Type Indicator (MBTI) research. I have seen the manifestations of interpersonal interaction follow the patterns associated to an individual’s particular typology. Furthermore, I have asked married people to take the test and read what their ideal spouse would be according to the compatibility guidelines, and in most cases the analysis provided a relatively accurate description of their spouse.

So if these four letters are so useful and accurate, why aren’t we using them? Why hasn’t this become the de facto method of personality reporting in out resume writing routine wherein we require all participants entering the shidduch scene to submit their MBTI?