Solely In Black and White: Resumeology 101: Class 2 Teaching by example

Monday, May 31, 2010

Resumeology 101: Class 2 Teaching by example

Sometimes the best way to teach is by example. For this class we will use a shidduch resume that was "received" via email as an example. References and siblings intentionally excluded.   

Chava Leah Stein
223 Kew Gardens
Lakewood, New Jersey 08701

Summary and Personal
Date of Birth: 3-4-1989
Father is a yeshiva educated day trader who learns two daily sedarim in BMG; has been previously investigated by FBI for fraud but never did any jail time; big baal tzedaka who has been honored by BMG twice.
Mother is a retired BY teacher; youngest child with four brothers and 11 sisters all living off of the Lakewood General Fund and mechutanim from Brooklyn.
Other pedigree: relatively clean, except for a 4th cousin once removed who attended YU and is now a successful ophthalmologist in Teaneck.
Parents looking for: solid learner from Brisk or Lakewood with neither a history of college nor foreseeable parnassa plans who will sit in Kollel indefinitely; she is looking for the same; father willing to support 10 years @ $75k per year, pending no stays in Otisville.
Appearance: dark hair with standard BY bump hairstyle; 5'4" with dress Size 2 (Mother's size after her seventh child: Size 8.
Preferred  Shadchan: Mrs. Goldberg of Lakewood (25% commission)
Dating History: has gone out a few times with no measurable success; feedback from Mrs. Goldberg points to her having the charisma of a carrot
Photo: yearbook picture available if requested through Torah channels.
K-12: Bais Yaakov of Lakewood.
Seminary: BJJ
Post-Seminary: Online program to obtain teaching certificate from Torah Umesorah.
 Camps: Raninu, Sternberg, Dina, B'nos, and Segula

Work Experience:
1996-2000: Counselor in several backyard camps in Brooklyn and Lakewood.
2006-2010: Assistant to the 1st grade teacher's aide in BY of Lakewood.
Hanhagos and Opinions Checklist (Based on Interview with Shadchan)
Tehillim: completes Sefer once a week while standing in line at Jewish stores.
Mother's use of Sabbath Mode oven: not any more.
Posek: Rav C. Kanievsky or Rav Elyashiv if his line is busy.
Internet: only with Koshernet on Tati's business computer.
Use of a community Eruv: never (she's looking for a Brisker, remember!)
Indian Hair Sheitels: only if on sale.
Seat Belt Use: No, unless pulled over by a female Police Officer.
Hobbies: reading Artscroll biographies, Yated, Hamodia, and Mishpacha; challah baking; asking shailos to Gedolim about her shiddach difficulties.
Her Preferred Dating Venue: Airport lounges without visible TV monitors.
Boys She Would Not Date: guys without BTEP (behind-the-ear-pesos), BT's, Odd's who have straightened out; guys whose Rabbi believe that the Universe may be older than 5768 Years old; guys who read Making of a Godol or any of Slifkin's books.
Ideal Wedding: Chossen and Kallah adopt demeanor combining themes of Tisha B'Av and Yom Kippur; eyes-closed, Tehillim throughout ceremony; kibbudim called up in Yiddish; separate everything including parking areas; Simchas Chossen V'Kallah at 10:30 PM; no Only Simchas posting.
Shabbos Table: White table cloth, no plastic covers, no ground beef or plate scraping at the table.
Would be willing to live in: Lakewood, Brooklyn, Monsey, and Passaic 
Music Preferences: Yeshiva Boys Choir, Shweky and MBD; no more Lipa or Carlebach.
Ideal Chesed Opportunities: helping put out cold beer and cholent at neighborhood Shalom Zachars; assisting with mass mailings from Oorah and Kupat Hair.

All right class, what’s wrong with this resume? 


  1. What's wrong with ground beef?

  2. There's no info about her siblings... This resume would NEVER merit an interview with me ;-) .

  3. Too much truth. Shouldn't have mentioned FBI investigation or any internet use at all.

  4. For one thing, the ages don't work out- She went to seminary 2007-08, so there's no way she started working in 2006.

  5. It seems we have a bright class this semester. Excellent. :)

    The same thing that’s wrong with the stacking and scraping debate, no one really cares, but people enjoy dwelling on silly informal etiquette.

    That was is in the fine print, “References and siblings intentionally excluded.” Why drag the innocent into the world of lunacy unnecessarily. :-P

    Good start, but there are far more details that need to be omitted. The internet one is very reasonable since she is “yeshivish” and pursuing an online degree.

    @MusingMaidel :
    Good catch! :) I don’t really have an answer for that; maybe she skipped a grade or two. Dunno… :-/

  6. Do the shidduch resumes you get really have this much information on it? Mine basically just has my name, birth dates, my parents' occupations, what shul we go to, what schools I went to, my current employment, and a list of references. I b'davka didn't include a list of siblings because my only sibling has special needs, and while we don't hide it, I don't have to shove it in the face of every prospective shidduch.

  7. I like the pesos behind the ears.

  8. She hasn't updated her resume in two years.
    She isn't really trying!

  9. The only thing that comes to mind is ugh...And I hope you're not making fun of girls' resumes (dude you obviously are). Its quite ironic the roles are reversed in Jewish dating.
    Anyway, do you really think that more info on a resume will kind of guide you? What about if the girl writes a short description about herself?

  10. Professor, please tell me you didn't write up this one. If yes, you know way too much about girls.

  11. @MusingMaidel:
    Usually not, although I have seen some rare exceptions, sadly none of them were as funny as this. I can’t take full credit for this resume, I received it in email form as a joke, but the point is the same nonetheless.

    Sounds about right, although the next post in this series should discuss what I find to be the optimum resume structure and why. Although, most of the commenters seem to have spotted the areas that need critical improvement.

    For someone in a situation such as your, they may want to consider just writing their brother’s name and age. That seems more inconspicuous then leaving that information out and allowing people to wonder if you have siblings and why they omitted them. Hey, whatever works I guess?

    @Feivel ben Mishael:
    Agreed, but perhaps nothing has changed in the past two years either….

    @(not) The Girl Next Door:
    Me?! Make fun of girls?! Never! :-) :-P Okay… fine…. That was a bit snide, but the intention was to make fun of resumes, not necessarily girls or girl’s resumes. If you’d like, I (or you) can create a boy’s resume to level the playing field. ;)

    I’m missing something here, what’s ironic? Both boys and girls have resumes….

    With regards to the inclusion of a self descriptions or blurbs of info, that shall hopefully be addressed in detail in the next post.

    Thankfully I did not. You know professors have access to research assistants and observational data… but that is a topic for a different time and place. ;)

  12. If said girl's poskim are R' Chaim Kanievsky and R' Y.S. Elyashiv she should have also said she won't date anyone who shaves.

    She admits to having poor charisma.

    She think's Yom Kippur and Tisha B'Av have similiar themes.


    The current date has changed in the past two years...

  13. @Feivel ben Mishael:
    Oh no! Not again! :-) Umm… if that’s the case, that she is looking for a bearded fellow and all, should I redt it? I’m not sure how you redt fictitious girls though…. Interested? :-P

    Doesn’t that means she is humble, honest, and self-aware?

    Perhaps she is an overly serious person?

    If all that has changed in the past two years is the date, maybe she can forgo an update. That’s one of the reason people write their birthdates.

    True, but when it comes to blogging its best the cup overflows. (I think the term is called instigating comments through suggestion.)

  14. This ain't your life, I gather, and you ain't gonna marry no hair bump gal. So why the need to mock? If you're gonna mock, you mock yourself.

  15. @Bluestocking:
    Whether this is my life or not isn't relevant, however, mocking its place on a “resume” is. What makes you think I haven’t dated hair bump girls? :-)

    I’m not sure why you’re offended; would the post have been better if I would have written “ponytail” or something else? The point was the same. Thanks for the tip; I’ll make a note to mock myself in the near future. Any suggestions? :-P

  16. Just going to say I laughed my way through this.

    And a girl of her intelligence would not be working in a school, she would be working for her father.

  17. What's wrong with it is she is 21 and not married (gasp). Soon she'll only be able to have a guy with handicaps.

  18. Don't hate the ponytail (it was once considered risque by the hair bump crowd not so long ago, by the way).

    I have a college degree and I work for my father. So sue me. I get to take off for huge sales, so NMF#7 must be jealous.

    Yes, the resume concept sucks. I'm not offended about the imaginary Chava Leah; I'm not saying I haven't rolled my eyes at such lifestyles too; just posting it on a blog for the purposes of other frummies to laugh at seems a little . . . nasty.

  19. @nmf #7:
    Glad you enjoyed.

    Why is that?

    Well… that may (arguably) be true about her, but that has nothing to do with her resume, unless you think she should write something like that explicitly…

    Why are you hazing nmf#7? She just insinuated that you are intelligent! Do you really think I posted this just for a cheap laugh at the expense of a specific stereotype? Hardly! The purpose of this post will be detailed and explained in its subsequent post…whenever I get around to that, but no, “nasty” wasn’t the intention.

    I am starting to think that you believe labels and styles can be used to define a person as right or wrong, which is extremely misleading. Although that wasn’t the intended message of the post, it is a major point of contention, and one which a lot of people forget about.

    Oh, and I find your improper usage of slang to be somewhat puzzling and humorous. Are you trying to ridicule ESL or Ebonics speakers?

  20. I dunno. I must've been still under the influence of a ghetto Law & Order. My bad.

    It seems I have inadequately expressed my point, as having been constantly accused as being lacking in religion due to nonconformity, so I hope I did not come off as a Labelmaker.

    My only previous experience with someone commenting on my choice of employment was a date sneering at me that I "work for my Daddy." Based on such previous trauma, I assumed, it seems, wrongly, that the comment was snarky in nature.

    Peace out.

  21. What’s Law & Order? :-P Ghetto would be Ebonics based btw….

    Your comment didn’t imply nonconformity, but you seemed to be insinuating that it’s the bump that makes the girl not the other way around…. If you’re going to call a post that makes fun of societies use labels “nasty” then people might get the impression that you are a “lablemaker.”

    Groovy, same to you! :-)

  22. My mom is a smaller size than me after 11 kids :D

    (Law & Order is a tv show)

    Hm about the 'ideal wedding' part, that obviously doesn't belong but I think a little solemnity is in order... not sooo funny :P

  23. You know that comment can be interpreted in two ways… :-P

    (really? Cool! Thanks. You wouldn’t happen to know what that has to do with the aforementioned slang, though,… would you? :-) )

    Okay… fine, you’re right… :-(

  24. The hair bump, my friend, has a long and detailed history. It was around twenty years ago. In the end, no one dons it as a show of uniqueness, but that of conformity to a specific Jewish way of life, along with mid-calf length skirts, for example. I was in BY, don't insult my anthropological observations.

    If you are telling me that resume does not reflect a stereotypical lifestyle, but could be anyone anywhere, no matter how you protest, I'm not buying it.

    The thing is, an option available to you for a mock resume could have been of a male, " . . . held back in pre-1A, used to like hair mousse but has gotten back on the wagon, flipped out on schedule in Israel, plans to learn 5.8 years after which point father will accommodatingly have spot available in own business," etc.

    That is merely an example, to be fiddled with at your whimsy.

  25. Bookworm, you’re my friend? Now that’s cool! Thanks for the history and background, that’s awesome, really, thanks. As a professor I can always use more BY anthropological researchers on staff. ;-)

    No, I didn’t say that. The resume would appear to be a specific lifestyle and stereotype, but that is the point. Just because someone is something on paper doesn’t make them that in real life. For all we know this girl may be nothing like what her parents described her as on her resume. People write things on resumes for the purposes of public perception.

    Shh, it’s a secret, but I am working on something like that for the Final. (What? you think you can go to class and get away without a test?!) Thanks for the ideas. Email me and we can discuss this resume idea further. It sounds like you have more great ideas. :-)

  26. Considering how the resume/profile/information on paper, in my opinion, should be spectacularly burned at the stake, I would not prefer to discuss/dissect it more than necessary. (My grandparents, parents, and siblings had no need for it, and they wed via shidduch system). The whole idea of it makes me nauseous, and I would prefer to be able to digest my lunch (woo, sardines!)


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