Solely In Black and White: The Story of Goldilocks and Shidduchim

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Story of Goldilocks and Shidduchim



So I was thinking, if we educated children about shidduchim from an early age, maybe we can teach them a thing or two. So in the spirit of that project I present to you: The Story of Goldilocks and Shidduchim. Just so you know there are many intended and unintended messages included in this tale, but like all children’s stories, I hope you enjoy it in its simplistic form… if not, then enjoy the nostalgia.*






The Story of Goldilocks and Shidduchim

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Goldilocks (Goldie Lax, by the way, and yes she did have golden locks). Being that she had returned from seminary, hence the little girl title, it was decided that she should go for a “walk” in the forest of shidduchim. Pretty soon, she came upon a shadchan. Goldie met her, and stumbled right in…

On her first list, there were three boys. Goldilocks was antsy. She dated the first boy.

"This boy is too hot!" (good looking but way to narcissistic) she exclaimed.
So, she dated the second guy on the list.
"This guy is too cold,"(unfriendly and quiet) she said.
So, she dated the third guy on the list.
"Ahhh, this guy is just right," she said happily and she didn’t dump him. (Although, he inexplicably dumped her after two dates.)



After she'd dated the three “bears” (yes, all three did have a slight resemblance to the creature, tall, hairy, and for some odd reason all three loved berries and frolicking in the woods) she decided she was feeling a little tired. So, she walked into a different shadchan’s living room where she was given three more resumes.

Goldilocks dated the “chairs” (they were just a tad dull and stiff) just to rest her feet.

"This chair is too big!" (he was 6’5” with the build of a linebacker) she exclaimed.
So she dated the second chair.
"This chair is too small!" (he was 5’7 on paper!… ;-) ) she whined.
So she tried the last of the chair group.
"Ahhh, this chair is just right," she sighed. But just as she settled into this chair, it broke into pieces! (He wasn’t so stable…) So she decided to end it right then and there.



Goldilocks was very tired by this time (and a bit jaded), so she went to everyone she knew and asked them to find her a
normal boy. This netted her another three boys. So she then went out with the next set!

But the first one was too hard (tactless).
Then she went out with the second one, but he was too soft (?).
Then she dated the third one and it was just right, but Goldilocks fell asleep on the date, because she was tired after all!


All the while, everyone was talking…
"Someone's been dating Goldie," gossiped the neighbors. ( :-) )
"Someone's been dating Goldie," said her nosy friends. ( ;-) )
"Someone's been dating Goldie and she dumped them!" cried the Lakewood guys.

"Goldie has been dating chairs,” gossiped the neighbors.
"Goldie has been dating chairs,” said her nosy friends, worriedly. “Does that mean she’s going to settle?!”
"Goldie has been dating chairs and I might have been the one she dumped; oh why oh why…pretty colors floating in circles all around my head… cried the “chair” who fell apart.

So the spectators decided to look around some more, because when it comes to shidduchim, unfortunately, there is no such thing as privacy! 




“Goldie fell asleep on a date, oh my, that is bad for shidduchim!” swooned the neighbors.
“Goldie fell asleep on a date, OMG LOL" texted and (re)tweeted her nosy friends.
"Goldie fell asleep on a date with me" exclaimed the bewildered Lakewood guy, while contemplating what to do. 

Just then, Goldilocks woke up and saw the guy. She screamed, "I am so sorry!" And she jumped up and ran out of the room, out of sheer embarrassment. Goldilocks ran down the stairs, opened the door, and ran away from the lounge. After realizing she had no cell phone to call home or money to pay for a cab, she slithered back to her date only to realize he actually wasn’t all that bad (and forgiving too!). And the rest is, as the say, history. And she never returned to date any of the other guys (bears, chairs, Lakewood guys or others) ever again. 

THE END



*No bears, chairs, shadchans, girls, or Lakewood guys were harmed in the making of this story. All events included are a work of fiction. Any characters portrayed or specified in said story are purely coincidental occurrences and are not referring to any specific individual, sect, or species. Warning: may cause nightmares in children, the infirm, and the elderly. Please use necessary precautionary measures. Alternatively, wandering into the shidduch forest can pose many additional risks.

5 comments:

  1. This is a great story! Really enjoyed reading it. On a serious note it's an interesting idea to be more careful about the messages we give children about shidduchim, though I'm not sure I'd want to convey the message that goldilocks broke up with a chair because it was too big or small...but it was a great translation of the story :)

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  2. This is an adorable adaption of the story. Thanks for the laugh and of course for the lesson to avoid forests at all costs.

    I think I'll try this falling asleep business though...it seems to work. I have a friend that did it with her Chosson and they stayed engaged (he thought it was cute). I guess it's not as bad for shidduchim as it sounds.

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  3. "Too soft" - he cried on the date about the squirrel he ran over.

    One of the premises of fairy tales were as cautionary stories. "Othello" was one (before Shakespeare dramatized it), the message being don't marry a foreigner (as he will be driven to insane jealousy based on meaningless gossip and smother you in your sleep). Goldie Lox isn't the first shidduch tale, it would seem.

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  4. @SternGrad:
    Thanks. I suppose, you’re right, but people do have limits on how tall or short of a person they are willing to date/marry.

    @halfshared:
    Your welcome, it was my pleasure.

    Good luck with that, just make sure you get a guy who is forgiving like in the story. Although I think most guys wouldn’t like that so much.

    @Data:
    Too soft can be so many things, best to leave it up one’s imagination… we wouldn’t want to scare the children reading this, now would we?

    Absolutely, Aesop’s Fables as well perhaps? I think this story has tons of messages, so much so I debated making a top 10 list out it!

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  5. Oh, don't worry. I'm not going to try that. Firstly, it would be totally inappropriate and secondly, an insult to the guy I'm dating or engaged to. I don't know why my friend's chosson thought it was cute. Maybe he just felt good that she was so comfortable with him...or maybe he just wanted to make her feel better because I'm sure she felt bad.

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