Solely In Black and White: Dating and the Nine Days:

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Dating and the Nine Days:

For some odd reason I have never had a date during The Nine Days. Why this so, I am still unsure. Then again I am relatively certain that it’s not the only stretch of 9 days where I consistently have not had a date, such as Succos, so go figure?  I can’t really complain; this shot, yet consistent, unexplained vacation has been sort of convenient. For one, that means less time dating while bearded. (Yes, I know, some girls like it! As concluded here, but as I mentioned earlier I don’t particularly like the itchiness that it provides, particularly on dates; it’s just a tad uncivilized, so yay for that.)

From a planning perspective, The Nine Days do not present any significant challenge. There are ample dairy restaurants scattered about that would make for a lovely outing as well as many activities that are somewhat appropriate, such as the Museum of Jewish Heritage and such. As for the weather…. We’ll I guess that’s not something truly unique to The Nine Days….

As an aside, and quite interestingly, it’s possible that if G-d were to send someone a really bad date during The Three Weeks or The Nine Days, they ought to be extra nice, as it might be a test in their adherence in compassion of bein adam l'chavero… or not… :-/

From a theoretical point of view, I assume, but do not know for a fact, that going out during The Nine Days is permissible, but does that mean that if one where to go out during these days that one shouldn’t do certain date activities? Should one abstain from “fun” dates and choose a more somber pastime?  Should one limit the amount of corny jokes they make? :-p  (Okay that last was just a tease…) But seriously, what is the right thing to do?  


  1. yes, going out during the nine days is totally permissible. i've never gone out during the nine days (that's just the way it's worked out). but it's totally ok to go to restaurants and stuff

  2. oh, and i meant to write that i hate beards so it's almost better that i haven't gone out during the 9 days!

  3. I wouldn't start dating someone during the nine days, unless it couldn't wait a week, b/c I wouldn't want to date if I couldn't shave, plus the nine days aren't exactly known for providing good luck. If I was dating s/o before the nine days started I would continue during the nine days. I would still go on fun dates, but I would avoid the slightly more dangerous ones, like skydiving.

  4. dating is definitely allowed...though perhaps ill- advised? (unlucky time) but if you started dating someone before, certainly continue! As for corny jokes? They are permissable- there is a painful aspect of corny jokes that counteracts any joy recieved from them- ;-)

  5. I'm pretty sure one may even get engaged on Tisha B'av.
    I think I've dated during the 9 days in the past and although it (obviously) didn't work out, I don't think it had anything to do with the timing. There's no such thing as "bad luck" or "bad timing" in Judaism, especially when it comes to building a home.

    But the not shaving is a really good reason not to start dating during the three weeks :-).

  6. @Tembow:
    Ah, but that brings up another question: can one shower for a date?

    Hehe, it seems you’re in the minority, check the other post for all the “interesting” comments… ;-)

    @Bored Jewish Guy :
    Dunno, I have only heard the “bad luck" thing with regards to settling court cases with a non-Jews… so maybe?

    Come on?! What’s the most dangerous date you have really been on? :-)

    Touché. :-)

    @ Sun Inside Rain:
    That’s not necessarily true, there is a machlokes about whether there are “bad mazels” per se and how they manifest themselves in various ways. Although, I do accede that I have never heard of them in the context of shidduch dating.

    Like I said above to tembow, you can argue that out with those who adore the sefira beard and such in the other post. :-p

  7. I don't think i'm in the minority.. maybe just in the blogosphere :)

    in my family, we hold that you can shower everyday but just make it short and maybe a little colder than usual. but we definitely do shower during the 9 days. right now we're in a heat wave!!

  8. SiBW: But can you think of any good luck stories from the nine days, I can't? I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, just that I'd rather wait another week especially b/c then I could shave. Actually, I'd rather not date during the three weeks, b/c I do shave and I think I would be judged on that.

    Um, Central Park, really it's dangerous. I almost went flying on a date, made it all the way to the airport, but someone forgot to leave the door unlocked and I chickened out after that. That doesn't really count b/c it's not really dangerous, I don't do dangerous things, aside from Central Park.

  9. You're right, as soon as I read BJG's comment about not going to court, I remembered hearing that. I guess it was more the semantics; there is no such word or concept as "luck" in Judaism. (Okay, now I'm spouting back what I've learned. I'm not sure how mazel would translate then but I'm handing it back to the scholars to figure it out.) Also, I guess because getting engaged on Tisha B'av is permitted, I can't imagine that dating in the days preceding that could be "bad" in any way.

    What's dangerous about Central Park? Is it the trees that just recently are getting a name as deadly?

  10. SIR: The trees are part of it, also the dogs that are running loose all over the place and there are parts of the park that are so covered in trees that it's dark during the day and quite deserted, I found it kind of creepy.

  11. Same here! I've never dated during sefira or the 9 days :(
    Well, as far as beards go, if I date sefardi guys during the 9 days...they probably won't have a beard unless it's shavua sheh chal bo.


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