One known issue with shidduchim is our over reliance on the few tidbits of info we receive about a potential match. There is only so much info you can get about someone before you go out, even with the best of spies and recourses at your disposal. So what to do? One could use Resumeoligy to read into a resume, but that requires an education and patience. Oh, and it might not work either. :-p
Regardless, therein lays another problem entirely. Lies! It would be appropriate to quote Mark Twain in this instance, “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.” Not surprising, all three are found in shidduchim, in various quantities, as well as in any formidable debate about the often mentioned “shidduch crisis.” Regardless, shidduchim is fraught with lies.
Technically, we may call some of these supposed lies “half truths, misnomers, or political correctness” but they are all bending the truth or more aptly known to kids as “not saying the emes.” I’m not referring to people who harmlessly forget to place info on their resumes with the intention of having their references share whatever info was omitted. That would appear to be somewhat acceptable. I‘m referring to straight out lies: Why is it that no girl is ever taller than 5’9” yet never shorter than 5’2" on paper or according to their references? Why is it that nearly every guy is between 5’9” – 5’11” but rarely that in real life? GPAs and academic honors? Yeshivas and schools attended? Yup, those too have a tendency to be fudged, almost like real resumes. ;-) I’ve heard that there are some people who lie about their age as well; although that is a rumor I have yet to see for myself. There are many more examples, but we’ll leave it as is for now. I think you get my drift...
Okay, granted, we aren’t talking about every resume and every reference; this post is a generalization of things which occur, not an accurate depiction of everyday life, well at least I hope not; I’m not the one making the phone calls to the references. Even so, I don’t think people doing shidduch research need to know every single little bit of info about a person. Notwithstanding, why as a society are we so accepting of known lies? Furthermore, why has it become “the accepted practice” to lie on resumes?
But on the flip side, maybe that’s what we want? Maybe as daters deep down we want to be lied to. Maybe we want to think that the people we are being redt to are perfect in every way? Or perhaps as the people going out, we want other people to gives us a fair shot. We want the ability to present ourselves as a whole entity; and allow ourselves to be judged not just on our glaring imperfections on paper, but as a complete individual with our merits and faults intact, not magnified.
Ah, and with that we are presented with our moral conundrum, where do we draw the line? What can one lie about and what can one not lie about?