I am starting to wonder if I owe a few people apologies. I never thought wishing someone the “Im yirtza Hashem by you” (IyH) would get me in trouble. According to folklore, it is the female who abhors the IyH. Some have even threatened violence against any sympathetic well wishers. Others, such as FrumSatire, have proposed a slightly more “civil,” but perhaps less couth idea, such as this t-shirt. Yes, it’s crude, but I’m sure it works; how could it not? I’m not saying I know why this happens, both why people say it and why people get offended but it’s a fascinating phenomenon. Perhaps it has something to do with shidduchim being harder for girls, as our expert panel of females have decided in yesterdays post.
The odd thing is, as I learned the hard way: guys don’t like the IyH so much either. The responses weren’t as exciting as one would expect them to be. Needless to say my nose remained untouched and I am not wearing an Irish eye patch, but I got some dirty looks and long ums… And here I thought Vorts where supposed to be fun events… Oh, wait, scratch that. I don’t think anyone likes Vorts, especially singles. Add an IyH to the mix, combined with an overall happy smile, and you’re just asking for trouble. Also, it’s super awkward when you tell it someone who isn’t “interested in getting married at the moment” something along the lines of may you find the right one soon. Let’s just say that didn’t go over so well…:-( B”H on the guy’s side we have some bottles of “L’Chaim” to rectify these little gaffs, because the IyH made on liquor is protect by some mystic unspoken binding covenant. o:) But it must be terrible for the girls. What do you say? “Can I offer you some chocolate, cookies, or cake?” Now, please don’t punch me…. 8-|
Look, I know what it’s like. I’ve gotten my fair-share of IyH, but can’t one just smile and move on, no harm no foul. That is unless you want to stoop to their level and retort in an equally saccharine flavored response, “thank you, but do you accept Kvitelach?”:-o That would be partially justified, and slightly amusing. I think it’s a tad immature to get angry and/or sulk every time someone wishes you well, esepcialy if said phrase is an accepted social norm. Just imagine what would happen if people had the same response for “have a nice day.” People would be walking around shouting “NO, I choose not to exercise my right to have a nice day; now bug off!” :-( Now THAT would be comical… :-P
In the interim I have started asking people: “is it alright if I wish you an ‘IyH by you?’” Now that has thrown most people off guard. But I don’t think that is a viable long-term solution. Alright, let us make a compromise; or perhaps let us devise a better solution. What can engaged/married people say instead of IyH by you in order to lessen the animosity? Also, or perhaps more importantly, is one ever justified in saying “IyH by you?”