Solely In Black and White: Sneeze! Bless You!?! Got a Tissue?

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Sneeze! Bless You!?! Got a Tissue?

Tissue? Via Flickr

Sometime you wonder what changes when you get married. The following story might shed some light on that, theoretically at least... I kid you not, this really happened!

This past Friday TAW and I were driving around town doing some pre-shabbos errands, when all of a sudden I was besought by a fit of sneezing. Before I was married I would have managed to umm… hide my nasal discharge somewhere. We’ll, if my wife wasn’t around, I probably would have done the same thing. However, being that my wife was with me, and that the sheer quantity of umm… stuff, was quite excessive; hence, I don’t think that my usual plan of action was going to work, nor did my wife. So being that we were smack in middle of an intersection, we started rummaging through ever pocket, purse, and storage compartment looking for a tissue or tissue like object. Unfortunately, and much to my wife’s chagrin, we could not locate a tissue. 

Desperate times call for desperate measures. 

My recommendation was to use my pants. I mean I could just change them when I get home put TAW did not like that idea. She offered another idea. Well, how do I put this… See… she had these umm.. special “handkerchiefs” type things in her purse. You know the kind that comes in those pretty plastic baggies with flowers on them or something like that, I’m really not that well acquainted with them… Of course my first response was: “THERE IS NO FLIPPING WAY I AM USING ONE OF THOSE!” My wife responded: “Why not, they are clean, perfectly fine, and sanitary. It’s not like they’re used or something?!?” 

I would have decided to not take the high-road and fight vehemently, but the goo was running down my nose, hands, and fingers while making it mighty hard to drive, so I gave in. I did have one condition though; I would only wipe my nose. ;-) I did have my concerns that somebody might have see the “tail” but that was a risk I was going to have to take. So to make a long story short, I used it and I didn’t even get any weird stares or traffic violations. For the record, my wife did get in a good long smirk. Whatever, I am not doing that again, at least not voluntarily. I have to say those things are not at all absorbent and they shed like crazy. Eww. :-( Lesson learned! I’ll stick to tissues, thanks you very much! :-/


  1. What an awesome story. I had a similar tissue-outage crisis on Thursday during research experiment in school and felt like a 4-year old for using the inside of my dress (I wasn't allowed to leave in middle, but thank Gd I had my own little cubicle). But I admit I wouldn't have thought to use a pad had that been an option. Go TAW!

    PS Didn't it feel like an incredible experience the next time you got to blow your nose with a tissue?

  2. Corti, that’s a lovely story. I always knew dresses could come in handy. I think my wife would have killed me if I would have suggested that I do that to her dress. If it happens again, I’ll broach the idea. :-)

    Oh, you have no idea! It was like wiping my nose on fine white silk. Btw, my wife left me a pocket-pack of Kleenex today with a note on it “I think you might need these; they sure beats ‘extraordinary measures’ ;-)”

    Badforshidduchim, hey, that’s not nice. Who knows; maybe one day it’ll happen to you on a date no less!?! :-P

  3. That's quite the interesting story indeed. Honestly, I would probably have taken the special drastic measure right after it was offered. What's the big deal, really? It's a clean, new, unused piece of material. Maybe it pays to be in a hilchos niddah b'iyun shiur during shana rishona to get rid of personal squeamishness.

    Also, I highly doubt the same scenario could happen to Bad4 on a date unless she were married, like you are. Was that a disguised bracha/IY"H by you? ;)

  4. Shades of Grey, Umm… yeah. There is something strange about using a “special product” in public, regardless of what it is made out of. I mean if that logic holds true, would you use a pad for a tissue, or a tampon for a nose bleed? They are clean, sanitary, and there is technically nothing wrong with them either. Besides, if you learning hilchos niddah b'iyun, you should have no problem with those products as they are also negiah halacha lemisa! ;-)

    Oh, I just meant a sneezing emergency that required any extreme measures, not necessarily the same solution that we used. However, I like your suggestion, it’s very surreptitious and sneaky; I like it! So yes, I guess so! :-)

  5. I am still unclear why it would be such and embarrassing thing to attempt in public. You make it seem like the entire frum world was watching your every move.

    Hiding what it was would be easy enough, just remove the bedika cloth from the package before lifting it from the purse and discreetly tear off the extra bit (I haven't tried that empirically, so it may not be so easy) or curl it up in your palm/fist to conceal it, then blow away.

    By contrast, using a very obviously identifiable pad would be far more difficult to pull ofg in public.

    You say you were driving, isn't there some level of privacy in a car where you could grab a spot in a nearby parking lot and duck or hide in the back seat, perhaps pretending to retrieve something or bending over into the open trunk as though you were searching for something?

    It just sounds like you didn't think creatively enough in the heat of the moment. Perhaps you couldn't, given the circumstances

  6. Shades of Grey, I don’t know. Not exactly. Pulling over wasn’t really an option. In retrospect, the idea sounded worse at the time than it does now, but I guess that’s how life goes.

    The Professor, thanks. :-/

  7. The same thing almost happened to me ten minutes ago! Except I b''h found a used paper towel in my purse that I could use.

  8. Anonymous, b”h, I’m actually kinda jealous. Some people just get lucky I guess… :-P Wait, how used are we talking about here?

  9. No worries, it was only used to dry an apple.

  10. don't really see the issue here . . .

  11. Anon99, are you saying you would you use it willingly?! Why don't you go try it and let me know how it works out.... :-P

  12. If I am in a car and "goo was running down my nose, hands, and fingers" I would have absolutely no problem taking an unused cloth. In 6+ years of my marriage, I am sure that I have done so at some point and never thought twice about it. I probably would even use it on the street.
    I know it sounds amazing, but people are not looking that intensely and with baited breath as your wife puts her hand into her bag and pulls out a little white thing that from a distance could be anything. You said it yourself - no stares from anyone (other than your smirking wife). Had you just taken the thing without hesitation, she probably would not have even smirked. Responding "“THERE IS NO FLIPPING WAY I AM USING ONE OF THOSE!” probably caused that. Your (and your wife's) reaction is much more of someone who has been married for a relatively short time.


You can use some basic HTML tags as well as these emoticons. If you wish to comment anonymously, please use the Name/URL option and give yourself a unique title. You can leave the URL field blank if you wish. Thanks for your comment. Enjoy.